Daily Nodes: A Journal of Healing 2023
By Candace Garlock
Dear Friend,
I feel like I can call you my friend since you are reading this short letter that is now in your computer. As my friend, you will connect to my story of living in that “other” land, that space of illness that we all venture into during our lives; some for a short time, but for many it’s a permanent address.
Susan Sontag, in Illness as a Metaphor, wrote “Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship in the kingdom of the well and the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.”
To identify – It’s a strong word that we either want to use to give us strength OR we want to ignore because of fear, of discrimination, of self-loathing. Where I am writing from, this land of illness, there are deep shadows. You ask, “What is a shadow?” Carl Jung defined shadow as all of the parts of ourselves that we despise or loathe and therefore hide and avoid. It is impossible to run away or lose your shadow because ultimately, your shadow is a representation of you.
Artwork and journal entry by Candace Garlock, Nodesday12.
I share this with you now, my friend so you remember—no shadow can exist without a source of light. The Daily Nodes emerged after a multiple sclerosis attack in spring 2023. They were my own therapy, a way of dealing with my symptoms and also a way to physically exercise my brain signals that controlled my drawing skills. I know you are asking the question in your head while reading this, “What is a node?” It’s an intersection, a meeting point, a knob, a hub. I draw inspiration from what is around me, and in that I create my own visual intersections. At the beginning of this journey, I was at home a lot just trying to adjust to limited mobility. I spent a lot of my time in the studio surrounded by unfinished sculptures which really became the origin of the Daily Nodes drawings. The idea of the “Node as a metaphor” was resolved in these sculptures, so translating them into drawings was a natural evolution in my creative practice.
I took photos of the sculptures and then in the early evening when I couldn’t stand or walk anymore, I would sit and draw from the photos. I was sharing my journey on Instagram and Facebook and began to realize that others were responding to the images and stories in a way I didn’t anticipate. I think it was the encouragement and acknowledgement that kept me going during this time.
During this healing process, I remember the days that I had ventured out of the land of illness and began to experience awe with my family, with nature, with little discoveries in my back yard. I was reading a book during this early period of the Daily Nodes drawings: Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life. Dacher Keltner, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley defines awe as the “feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your current understanding of the world.”
A lot of the node drawings reflect this search for “awe.” I did begin to see the world in a different way, especially the land and place. I would become dizzy while walking so it was hard to study vistas…the landscape. I had to concentrate on the ground and putting one foot in front of the other. The “groundscape” became my landscape. I began to notice little objects in front of me, probably items I would have missed if I wasn’t disabled. I had my cell phone in my pocket and would stop often and just take a photo of these little objects. Many of them I collected and then used them in my drawings.
Artwork and journal entry by Candace Garlock, Nodesday31.
So, dear friend, I want you to know the healing process is different for everyone. For me, concentrating on what gave me hope was paramount. I had so many “therapies” that I had to work on—physical therapy, speech therapy, food therapy…etc. etc. etc… It was overwhelming at first, so I just took out my pens and started to draw. The Daily Nodes as a series came to a conclusion for two reasons. The first–I had friends asking me to turn this series into a book. That was a project that I said yes to; however, I realized that I needed to stop so I could teach myself how to create a book. The second reason–I could tell that I had accomplished what I set out to do in the first place. I could draw again. My marks started out hesitant and “choppy.” By Day 90, they were precise. I didn’t need to “fix” lines in Photoshop. The drawings were more complex. It was time to move on.
My friend, I am finishing up my letter to you now, and I hope that when you visit the land of illness, you remember my journey through the shadows. I also hope that I have given you inspiration to find your own therapy, your own light, your own awe.
Daily Nodes is on display February 1 – March 27, 2024, at the Nevada Humanities Program Gallery in Las Vegas. Learn more about this exhibition here. Above photos courtesy of Candace Garlock.
Candace Nicol Garlock is an artist working in Reno, Nevada, and Professor of Art at Truckee Meadows Community College in Reno, Nevada. With her appreciation of the interconnectedness of everything, she elevates relationships within her art: human and environment, human and animal, human and human. Her book, Daily Nodes can be purchased from IngramSpark. To see more of the Daily Nodes, visit her website at candacenicolgarlock.com and follow Candace on Instagram @candacegarlock.
Double Down Blogger photo by Connie Santos.