Planning a Multicultural Wedding During the Pandemic
By Reema Naik
The Dream
Soft pink, radiant bursts of red, and deep marigold petals fly through the air and land on my feet. I take one step at a time with my husband-to-be, making sacred vows said from the oldest language in the world. Each step I see my feet peek through my saree, showing elaborate and delicate details of flowers, petals, and patterns. I am getting married to the one who I chose as my lifelong companion.
The Reality
The alarm rings. I wake up, turn on NPR and hear about the latest news of the pandemic, inflation, and war. People are talking about and preparing for another COVID wave. My family members tell me how they feel after getting COVID for their first time. I am in a constant state of stress, anxiety, and worry from the past three years of the pandemic. This is not what I pictured life to look like before the day of my wedding. My wedding is in September 2022 in my hometown: Las Vegas. I am marrying my best friend who I met during my Master of Public Health program.
Wedding planning can be stressful and adding a pandemic to the equation makes things even more difficult. Since the day I said, “Yes!” preparations for the day have been non-stop. Now that we have come down to the final weeks, there is even more to do and more to buy for the day.
The Costs
When they say weddings are expensive, they were not joking. Being a numbers person, I am going to share some data from The Motley Fool (1) on costs of weddings over the past three years:
Average wedding cost in 2019: $24,700
Average wedding cost in 2020: $20,286
Average wedding cost in 2021: $27,063
Average wedding cost predicted for 2022: ~$27,000
From 2019 to 2021, the costs have increased by nearly 10%! Maybe you or someone you know has gone to a wedding this year. 2022 is also a big year for weddings. The Knot estimates there will be a total of 2.6 million weddings due to the domino effect and wave of 2020 and 2021 couples having to delay tying the knot. Maybe you or someone you know has been exposed to COVID-19 during a wedding or big family event. One study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (2) found that unvaccinated guests of large events are at higher risk of contracting SARS-CoV-2 compared with vaccinated guests. Georgia Tech even made a risk level calculator for attending a large event, you can explore that here.
The Pandemic
My partner and I are passionate about public health and our family. With many family members at higher risk of getting COVID due to health ailments, planning a large family gathering during the pandemic is not an easy one. You cannot go on Google and find all the answers to how to 100% prevent the spread of COVID. Rather, you can only put the preventative measures in place to decrease the risk of spreading disease. Fortunately, we are aware of this and doing what we can to prevent the spread and hope everyone comes to celebrate, aware and mindful of the risks.
The Cultures
My parents immigrated from India to Las Vegas, and I grew up in an Indian household, learning how to navigate my Indian culture and American culture. My partner is half White and half Filipino and was raised in a multicultural household where he’s had to navigate both cultures as well. Three different cultures are intertwining with each other, bringing its rich diversity and distinct differences. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes, especially when you find someone who teaches you to continuously be better and someone who sees all the great potential of the future.
Interracial marriages have been legal for only 55 years thanks to the court ruling for Loving v. Virginia (3). According to Pew Research (4), in metro areas almost one-in-five newlyweds are intermarried. When looking at the Asian diaspora, 46% of U.S.-born Asians have a spouse of a different race or ethnicity than them. We are fortunate to be navigating this world in a country that thrives on and needs diversity.
In addition to the cultural pot, we are mixing with joining two families as one, the event of having and hosting an Indian wedding is a multi-day festival on its own. The pandemic limited opportunity and increased my worry to travel abroad to do the typical wedding shopping spree that many people do right before their special day. Rather, other family members chose to help us with the shopping, and I am eternally grateful for that! My Indian dress cost less than $400 with custom fitting, compared to my $2,000 white dress (costs do not include tailoring or laundry services!). I have several outfits for the pre-wedding festivities as well, and so do my family members. Some aunties have more outfits to wear than I do even with it being my wedding!
Coordinating the pre-wedding events is a lot to do, especially with so much thought and focus put into the big ceremony day. Being in the United States and considering the amount of time off family and friends can get, we have consolidated a week full of celebrations into three days. Family members have taken reigns on coordinating all of the different pujas (prayers) to make sure everything runs smoothly on the eventful day. Events include:
- Haldi Ceremony – Also known as pithi. This ceremony signifies many things and is highly valued. Some of the common meanings of the ceremony include keeping evil away, a sense of ease with removing tensions, nerves, and jitters before the wedding, new beginnings, and beautification (after all, this is practically a facial for both bride and groom!)
- Grah Shanti – The ceremony that invites Ganesh to the wedding to remove all obstacles from the couple and to bring them happiness and prosperity.
- Mosalu – The bride’s maternal uncle visits the bride's home a day before the wedding, bringing the bride her saree and jewelry for her to wear for the wedding.
- Henna – Henna symbolizes positivity and best wishes. The bride will be adorned with henna on her hands and feet, and guests will get henna on their hands.
Lots of things to look forward to right before the big day!
The Wedding
Attending Indian weddings myself, I have naturally been assigned as the cultural guide for colleagues and friends. Although this comes with the territory, it can be tiring especially when you want to enjoy the wedding yourself. For those who plan to attend an Indian wedding, it is advised to do some research first (including reviewing the couple’s wedding website) before asking the couple to guide them along the wedding process and journey that way everyone can enjoy as much of the festivities as possible. Typically, the couple will also provide an explanation of all the ceremonies that happen during the big day, so there is no need to fret.
The Tips
While the day approaches there is still much to do! Planning a wedding during a pandemic has taught me to do the following:
Plan early (before inflation drastically increases the price of everything).
Use your network
Using my network came a little late in my game but having them to provide second opinions and take over the little tasks made tackling the larger tasks much easier!
Take time to be with your partner
Planning a large event with many different things going on can take you away from your partner and why you chose them in the first place. Show appreciation for your partner in different ways as well. While I’ve been busy with the wedding, I’ve taken time to do small things for my man like getting his car washed and filled with gas. Small actions to show appreciation make a lasting impression.
Use wedding planning to see how you and your partner navigate difficult conversations.
Weddings are expensive. Finances are bound to come up in the conversation. Learn about how you and your partner value money and where the two of you want to invest in and where you want to save.
Navigating pandemic (keeping up-to-date on current trends and guidelines).
Do what you and your partner feel most comfortable with. We sent out an email one month and two weeks out to guests to share with them ways they can feel and be safe as we all gather. If this is something that concerns you, make sure to voice it out to your guests, they are, in fact, coming to celebrate you and your partner!
Watch wedding movies to bring joy back to preparing for your own wedding.
There are so many wedding movies to enjoy and ease any tensions you may have with planning your own! They’re also great to watch with your partner and may end up giving you ideas for your vows!
Start writing your vows early.
Inspiration can come anywhere at any time. Keep a note in your phone to jot down anything that comes into your mind to use as potential talking points for your declaration of commitment to your partner!
Talk with family.
They may be more excited than you for the wedding, use them as your cheerleaders as you navigate this extremely costly event.
If you are planning a wedding, I hope this letter resonates with you. If you are going to a wedding, I hope this excites you to celebrate the bride and groom and all that we have been through with the pandemic.
With that said, cheers and I will see you when I am a Mrs!
Links to Sources
2 https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2789424
Reema Naik is a proud Nevadan who was born and raised in the state. Her family immigrated from India to Las Vegas and that is where she grew up. She went to the University of Nevada, Reno, for her Bachelor’s in Public Health and Master’s in Public Health and now works in Carson City, supporting and advocating for primary care across the state. Reema is also a mentor to middle and high school girls across the nation. In her spare time, she loves to run and is preparing for her second half marathon.
Photography Credits:
Ashlyn Moreno Instagram: @ashlynsavannah
Madison Barton Instagram: @madisonbarton.photography
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