Finding Silver Linings
My saucer palette, watercolor and gouache on paper, 6”x6.”
By Nicole Kim
I’ve always liked that one quote by Carl Jung, “The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.” It tells you that life is not just about being happy all the time, but about experiencing the depth of the highs and lows. The Coronavirus pandemic began exactly two years ago, and it cast a very dark shadow on the entire world with death, illness, unemployment, declining economy, declining quality of life, and the list goes on. It makes me wonder if there is any light to be seen in this, and while I don’t know the answer on a bigger scale, I can tell you about what I have seen and felt so far.
Two years ago I was working at a library, and we all got an email saying that all Vegas libraries would be shutting down for the next two weeks. I grabbed a bunch of books, some fiction and some nonfiction, so that my kids would have something to read to get them through the next two weeks. When I got home, my boss checked in with our team through our group text, and we downloaded Slack and Zoom. None of us knew that it would actually be three whole months before we attempted to resume a normal life, or that two years would go by and the virus would still be mutating and affecting everyone. It was a really scary time.
The first phase of the pandemic was filled with hope. I was not alone in thinking that this would all be over soon if we wore our masks diligently and stayed home. I got lots of rest and sleep, but it wasn’t the restorative kind. I didn’t have to go to work, but I stayed home in lockdown mode. I felt sluggish, numb, anxious, and bored. My memory of those days is hazy at best, but I do remember feeling so desperate to find joy that I picked up a sketchbook and some watercolor paints. I also tried out sewing and making clothes, and made sourdough bread weekly. Those activities helped me breathe.
Things did not get better as quickly as we hoped. Cases continued to rise, many people were dying alone, but businesses had opened back up out of necessity. In this middle phase, there were so many changes to adapt to. We did it because there was no other choice. We didn’t even have the chance to register just how strange it was to constantly wear masks and face shields, stand six feet apart from people, swap out hugs and high-fives for a distant hand wave, and be wary of anyone around you who could spread COVID without even knowing it.
That was when I got it, too. The worst of it was the feeling of having been hit by a truck, which lasted a solid week and a half. Luckily, none of my family members or I needed to be hospitalized, but that was the most intense bout of illness I had ever felt. Even though two weeks had passed, I did not recover fully. I had Long Covid Syndrome, in which the virus lingers in different places in the body and continues to make you feel ill, lasting several months or longer. If I tried to push myself and resume normal life, I would quickly hit a wall and the COVID symptoms would return. It was the strangest thing, but a lot of other people were experiencing it, too. Sadly, I could not work anymore, so I ended up juggling recovery and being a stay-at-home mom.
But during those two years since the pandemic began, I became an artist. My childhood dream was to be an artist until it was crushed by well-meaning adults, and so I buried it deep within me. I finally uncovered it when I used my daughter’s 8-color Crayola watercolor set to paint a pine cone. I didn’t know how I was supposed to make gray, so I started mixing colors and experimenting. I was so scared at first, but I knew I had to have courage and pursue it. Since then, I’ve illustrated the cover and 38 vegetables for a gardening book, sold a few paintings, and taught private art lessons. And now, I’m teaching online and in-person workshops on sketch journaling. How insane is that?
Golden spiral, watercolor on paper 14”x20.”
To further prove my point, my landlord suddenly raised the rent by 25% a few months ago, which is not bad if you consider all the renters that are getting kicked out with a month’s notice, or even higher price hikes. My husband and I decided to try buying a house even though the market is nuts. We got lucky with a house that we absolutely love, in a good area closer to the mountains. As I type this, I can look out my window to the backyard with plants, flowers, a tree, and a blue sky. I’ve now achieved two of my biggest dreams, all within these last two years.
I’m really bummed about all the bad things that have happened. I would like to feel like myself again and get back the energy levels I had before. I would like to feel comfortable being out and about in the world without worrying about what another bout of COVID would do to me and my family. But I feel so grateful that I’m on the creative path that my seven-year-old self envisioned for me, living a slower pace of life, and being a homeowner in a city I’ve grown to love, except in the summer months. It gives me comfort to know that, as long as I’m alive, I can expect good things to happen along with the bad. Maybe those darker shadows will uncover brighter light even if we can’t see it at the time.
Photo by Nicole Kim.
Nicole Kim is a watercolor artist and illustrator who is always searching for a way to make creativity quick and painless. She likes to make work that feels cute, vibrant, and relatable. Recently, she has illustrated Southern California Vegetable Gardening by Julie Bawden-Davis and Sabrina Wildermuth and teaches sketch journaling and painting workshops with the Las Vegas-Clark County Library District. In her spare time, she likes to visit Red Rock and Mt. Charleston, teach and practice yoga, and make pottery.
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