Butterfly Girl

Photo courtesy of Tomi Simmons.

By Tomi Simmons

We met on the corner of the coffee shop and Fremont street 
Lights blinding us
Pollen hitting the pavement
Butterflies in season 
We met in the morning as
I woke up in the midst 
of chemistry textbooks never read and letters to my sister 
never sent
Cocoons embedded in the blanket and pillows
We met in the mirror between walking
past the bathroom and to my mother’s room
Wings beginning to spread

And here you are
Doe eyed 
Fearful 
Butterflies popping out of you 
You force caterpillars to grow before their cocoons are developed
Rushing growth before we are in season
You are so quick to help me 
Before you are ready 
And I burn the ecosystem
Trying to burn caterpillars 
Before they change
Hoping change does not change me
Hoping that swallowing trauma whole without digesting it will sit still 

Doe eyed
Butterfly filled
You 
There’s a glisten in your eye that glisten blinds me
Its strength 
and you are me 
As I am you
How could I be afraid of you 
How could you be afraid of me
We are the same
A voice I never knew to have

Butterfly girl 
Caterpillar filled 
Let them grow 
Out of all of the times we met 
You never failed me
You hurt me 
when you believe failure is in your capability to me
I failed you
For rushing you 
For making you afraid
For not accepting you
When you have accepted
Me 
Stuck in a caterpillar phase
And I have let pride and stagnation go 
To say I am sorry 

I am sorry for all the times 
I did not let you speak up
When I doubted your ability to fly
When I doubted what I could hold inside of me
Because of the burdens I did not let go 
For all the times I almost burned gardens 
Because I did not want you to grow
Because maybe I was outgrowing myself 
For all the times I did not nurture you 
Like you did to me

We met on the corner of the coffee shop and Fremont street 
You put me on the microphone and spread my wings
You drove me to wake up in the mess of my room 
and get to my mother’s room
Butterfly girl 
Saved me 
It’s time I started saving you 


Photo courtesy of Tomi Simmons.

Tomi Simmons was born and raised in Las Vegas Nevada. Today she competes in slam poetry and writes about healing from her past. 

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