When Time is Fuzzy
Photo/Michael Cassera.
By Michael Cassera
I had built a fuzzy, or imprecise, clock as kind of a joke during this pandemic because day and time had become somewhat irrelevant. I’ve been out of work since mid-March with no set schedule to dictate my daily routine.
I had always wondered what it would be like to have unlimited time off from work. I imagined that I would get to do the things I never had time for. I imagined an impressive burst of creative productivity and inspiration. My reality has been a little different...
I wake up and check my fuzzy clock: “Monday (mid-morning).” Shower today? Maybe, I have all day to decide. Breakfast? Sure, I’m feeling a little hungry. Let’s see what’s in the kitchen to eat.
First, though, I pick up my phone and spend some time looking at Twitter. How’s the election going? Are there any fun dog videos out there? What about a collection of car crashes I haven’t seen yet... and down the rabbit hole I go.
My wife has been up for a little while. She has emails to read, students to answer, Zoom meetings to plan. I have had a total of one Zoom work meeting in the entire seven months since the show for which I work on the Las Vegas Strip went dark.
When we first began sheltering in place, I was busy with new personal projects, keeping an inventory on our food supplies because grocery stores were getting emptied out, and trying to find that elusive package of toilet paper! We all joked about murder hornets because, of course, it’s 2020. We all thought this was going to be a few weeks of inconvenience and not this several-months-long, and counting, slog with no real end in sight.
Having been furloughed since March, my reality is a little different than what I imagined. Sure I’ve had my brief creative moments and have taken time to learn new things, take more pictures, read more books that otherwise may have been on the back-burner if I were still working, but much of my time is dead space, looking for something to do when I’m not feeling inspired.
I admit it’s been a struggle sometimes when I feel like I’m in an infinite loop of cleaning. Sometimes the only thing on my agenda is to wash dishes after making them dirty earlier and after just washing them yesterday. It’s not the worst thing going on, but the redundancy seems to wear me down.
“Monday (noonish),” says the fuzzy clock. I just climbed out of my Twitter rabbit hole, and I still haven’t had breakfast. I might as well make it lunch now. A nice easy sandwich, three seconds to make, four seconds to eat...no dishes, a win! The dogs are looking at me. I feed them and take them out to poop. Eat and poop, that’s pretty much their routine. It seems like it’s becoming my routine, too. I spy the clean dishes in the dishwasher, but I’ll get to them later. There’s plenty of time!
I head off to the den. I have several projects going on right now. Let me continue that online KiCad class I started several weeks ago. So many online classes offered at discount rates! How could I not sign up for one or two? This software class is going better than the Python class I signed up for, but there is still a ways to go.
I have no obligations. My wife has the opposite problem. Everything related to both her job and her volunteer work has moved online and has created two to three times more work than it would be doing things in person. She wishes she were less busy, and I miss being able to work in my field. I’ve been a stagehand for over three decades.
“Monday (mid-afternoon).” I finished a section of the KiCad class. I don’t feel like dedicating another hour to learning the next lesson right now. There are dishes to put away... later. I go to the bedroom to continue reading my current science fiction book, Leviathan Wakes. I lie down in the bed and am quickly joined by the two dogs as we all get comfy for our current tasks, me reading, them sleeping.
I read several chapters. My eyes are getting a little tired, but not too tired for a quick look at my phone and Twitter. What are the political pundits yelling at each other about now? I’ll just check out a few more tweets...
During this past month, I have realized that I need a scheduled routine of some kind to keep me motivated. Work is an external clock that forces me to plan around the 10 hours a day dedicated to my job. Without work, I have all the time in the world and all the excuses to procrastinate. I can certainly wait to do that thing that needs to be done later because I have nothing to do and nowhere to be.
“Monday (late afternoon).” My wife asks, “You want to get some Dutch Bros?” She needs a break from the computer. We corral the dogs and head out. It’s our daily away-from-home ritual that we’ve taken up, finally, after several months of not going anywhere. It was driving us pretty crazy. I get a medium Dutch vanilla soda, with cream if I’m feeling dangerous. If my wife is feeling particularly mischievous, I’ll hear here ask for “unicorn blood,” whatever the heck that is. The dogs share a puppicino. They always finish during the drive and leave their cups behind. The back of my car has dozens of puppicino cups. I wish they would clean up after themselves; I certainly don’t have the time.
So, the question is this: how do I transform myself from a person who is used to fitting things into a very set schedule to one who must plan out his days, weeks, and months to keep himself motivated? I’m not kidding myself here. For the entertainment industry, there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight to the restrictions that are keeping us from entertaining others.
This is something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately. This awareness, even just the act of pondering a plan, has already made me more focused on and conscious of my daily routine. This, in turn, has made my days more fulfilling. Striving to use my hours more creatively, I’m taking back time for photography, programming, and writing. Ideas for new projects are coming to mind while I am energized to finish the old ones. Do I have a plan yet? No, and there are dishes to be done. But, that can always wait until tomorrow...
Michael Cassera has enjoyed a 29-year long career with Cirque du Soleil spanning three of their long-running resident shows: Mystère, Zumanity, and LOVE. With Cirque, Michael has worked as a Followspot Operator, a Board Op., an Assistant Head, and Head of Lighting. He is currently the Technical Manager for Mystère.
Before joining Cirque, Michael worked for a brief time as a Followspot Operator for Siegfried and Roy at The Mirage. Prior to moving to Las Vegas, he worked on the bounce off-off-Broadway and in the NYC tri-state area as a Stage Electrician and Lighting Designer. He was also employed as a local stagehand at Giants Stadium and Brendan Byrne Arena. A graduate of The School of Visual and Performing Arts at Syracuse University, Michael earned his Bachelor of Fine Arts in Drama with an emphasis in Design in 1991.
Michael is a contributing writer to Theatre Art Life, a global platform for live entertainment industry professionals. He lives in Las Vegas with his wife, Heather, and their two dogs, Maggie and Roxie Li.
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