An Overgrown Mind
Original art/Trung Hua.
By Trung Hua
Contact - when you see this word what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Perhaps you think of touching, a warm hug from your loved ones, or how the early morning cool air greets you just before sunrise. Maybe you think of lenses, sight, to see the tangible world outstretched all around you, from a vibrant field of flowers to the endless night sky above. Maybe even numbers, to call your family and friends from afar, communications; conversations held in secret between lovers during the midnight hours of the day. All physical and tangible sensations are what you might visualize or think of first, subconsciously unaware that you can be touched by something intangible as well.
When the pandemic first hit the states and I was laid off, I felt fine at first, in fact I was a little thrilled because now I had time to delve into my art commissions and video games. The time between me being laid off and my eventual return to work was occupied with finishing my clients’ commissions, trying my best to reach the Nevada Department of Employment, Training, & Rehabilitation (DETR) for my unemployment benefits, and just in general staying busy. I’ve always been a person that tried to keep myself with things to do, even though I might complain about it here and there. I think deep down I actually enjoy it - in a way, keeping busy was my form of procrastinating, but not in the sense that you might be thinking of.
My daily routine was a five day work schedule, followed by running errands on my days off, and whatever time I had left was spent with loved ones or my hobbies. Most if not everyone has a fixed routine to follow, a repetition of a performance done on the same stage day in and out. It’s familiar, predictable, and a distraction from the underlying issues. It doesn’t even have to be work, it could be the restaurant or bar you frequent to meet with friends for drinks, to the salon that helps maintain your exterior to boost your confidence. But the little conveniences in our life that we took for granted gave us a mental whiplash when the pandemic came leaving us feeling frustrated and lost. It hit us hard, especially those of us who are battling with mental or health issues.
Depression has many forms and it varies from one individual to another, an advice that might work for one can send another down a hole. I mentioned I felt a little thrilled when I was laid off, and I truly was but once there was nothing left to do, I began to feel the weight coming down on me. I know I shouldn’t measure my self worth based on how many things I can accomplish, but taking a break made me feel guilty, like I wasn’t making the most out of this opportunity that is life. I started isolating myself emotionally, thinking I didn’t deserve to express how much in pain I was, because after all I wasn’t doing much. So in what sense did I have to feel sorry or sad for myself? I wonder how many people that’s reading this have felt the same as I do.
Eventually, I convinced myself that the only person who was applying so much pressure on me was myself—unresolved emotional trauma manifested into vines that strangled the mind. Like an overgrown garden my thoughts were filled with unreasonable goals and expectations for myself, it choked me from being able to logically take things into perspective. The night may be long but soon morning will come; you don’t want to end it, you just want to stop hurting. When you feel like you’re lost in the dark, just remember this, the darker the night the brighter the star shines, but only if you choose to look up towards it.
I don’t know if it was fate or pure luck that I was offered this opportunity to showcase a piece of my work, but I am so grateful for it. It has allowed me to take a moment and truly let out what I’ve been feeling for so long, I haven’t felt this proud of a piece I made in a long time. I’m not the best when it comes to words, and this may or may not have been a difficult read for you; my train of thoughts often trails like the many roots under the soil all connecting to a single stem. However, I hope you’ve taken something that might inspire you to keep going, it may not always be easy but it is worth it, I want you to experience it yourself, to keep on improving and learning, to laugh and love, and enjoy your life.
Original art/Trung Hua.
Two Steps From Eternity
When creating this piece, I set to limit myself to less than 10 color pencils to keep it balanced as well as demonstrate the opposing yet complementary forces that blue and orange both represent. Blue is a primary color often associated with sorrow, or peacefulness, it’s a color that gives off a calming effect. In this piece I’ve used it to represent depression, and how it influences and grows across the warmer colors. Orange is a secondary color and it can be interpreted in a few ways, but here I choose for it to represent energy or drive. The color combination here is used to represent a diminishing drive and a growing sinking feeling of sadness and dread.
Depression takes on many forms; the towering figure is drawn from the inspiration of a dream I had about a giant pale woman who seems to always be weeping. A stitched smile to represent trying to be happy, pretending that everything is perfectly fine even when it’s not, the blindfold hiding the eyes to prevent anyone from seeing the breakdown that happens at night when alone in the dark. She reflects the way in which I try to handle my own depression, by convincing myself that I’m not, and why my depression is shown to be more feminine can be a tribute to my archaic upbringing that women are more emotional than men; emotions are not more exclusive to one sex, nor are they felt more intensely by one than another, we all feel deeply as humans. Her gaping shriek-like expression represents the breaking point of my mental health; no longer will it be content to keep quiet, it’s time to acknowledge it to myself and address it.
Art to me has always been my outlet for emotionally and mentally expressing myself, since I struggle to verbally convey how I feel. The theme of my work is a beautiful and colorful drawing with a very dark undertone.
Trung P. Hua is a self-taught artist from Vietnam, who immigrated to the States with his family in 1996 and has resided in Las Vegas ever since. He currently works at a local board game cafe as its cafe manager. On the side he does various local art commission work from traditional drawing to perler bead arts. In his free time he enjoys gaming on the PC, cooking, creating new art pieces, and fan art of his favorite video games.
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