Plans Canceled and Lessons Learned
By Rickeysha Burt
On December 31, 2019, I looked over my New Year’s bucket list as I traditionally do and was extremely confident that the new year to come was going to go down in my history book of new experiences and growth. I had imagined 2020 as the year that I would step outside of my comfort zone and engage with the world like I had never before. I planned to put in genuine effort to network, take on hobbies I had always played with the idea of, travel, and even reconnect with family that distance had previously kept me from seeing. I was going to turn over a whole new leaf, fearlessly.
I have already missed more than a handful of trips, but there is one that will forever linger amongst my thought of regrets. On my 2020 bucket list, there was one particular personal task that I promised myself I would not let this year end without completing, and that was rekindling my relationship with my father. Before COVID-19 became a common household topic, I had planned to go visit my dad in Los Angeles; I didn’t have a particular date, but it was still the beginning of the year, so I was not in any rush. I can recall back to late February when I began seeing reports regarding COVID-19 all over my social media accounts, my family began sending group messages about health tips, and soon after I couldn’t find tissue or paper towels in any store. The chaos that came from everyone’s worry during the very beginning of this pandemic was overwhelming; however, I still had hope that my plans would fall through after everything returned back to normal in the world. But very early on I realized that my plans were not guaranteed, including my plan to initiate a recovered bond with my father, at least not the way I had imagined.
This past March, my father was admitted into the hospital and induced into a coma after suffering a stroke. While my dad was being rushed to the hospital in Los Angeles, I was here in Las Vegas, leaving my traditional lecture class for the final time this year because my professor had just announced our future classes would be held virtually due to the pandemic. On my way home, I received the call from my little brother and since then my world seemed to change with no return. Now my plans were altered but not yet cancelled. I wanted so badly to hop on a plane and go straight to the hospital to be with my dad and hold his hand in hopes that he could sense my presence, but many of my family members suggested that I give it a few days before traveling because the hospital was not allowing visitors at that time due to COVID-19 risks. So, I waited and a few days later, my dad began to get better and was awake from the coma. He was still on very heavy medication with tubes down his throat, so he seemed to be pretty out of it but I called him on Facetime, told him I loved him, and how much I couldn’t wait to see him. I am sure he was alert enough to see me because he began to cry on the call. I was still advised to wait before visiting because flying from one city to another would put myself and my father at risk of getting sick. I was hopeful though with my dad’s circumstances, and I still envisioned him fully recovering, being sent home, and I would then visit right away.
On April 1, 2020, I got another call from a family member that my father had passed away in the hospital after suffering another stroke. Per his medical records, resuscitation was not performed because he ran a high fever that morning and it put the medical professionals at high risk if they were to pull the tubes out of his throat, just in case he had COVID-19. Furthermore, planning the funeral services for my late father was beyond rough in the middle of a pandemic. Only a limited number of family members could attend, and the funeral home was too small for adequate social distancing so for the weeks leading up to the service date, I had so much anxiety. I was not only grieving the sudden loss of my dad, but I was also stressed about getting on a plane to be there amongst crowds in a small space. The fear of COVID-19 had fully taken over my thoughts. After much consideration, I decided that it was best that I did not attend my dad’s funeral. I had to accept that he was no longer here in a different and safer manner. Although this was a very personal and intimate decision that I made, to this day, it still lingers in the back of my mind of whether it was the right thing to do or not.
Out of all the things I could not experience this year, such as traveling comfortably, attending graduations, or continuing my last semesters offline and in person, not being able to properly say goodbye to my father or properly mourn his passing will be an opportunity that isn’t presented to me again. For quite some time, I regarded COVID-19 as an invisible force that directly and indirectly took from so many. Not only was there a physical impact on the health of many during this pandemic, but also time spent with loved ones and peace of mind was affected as well. However, eventually I came to consider that COVID-19 is not a physical being and although the world’s circumstances are new and unfamiliar, there are plenty of lessons that could be taken during this pandemic. One of the biggest lessons I learned is to not take any time for granted. I now value any time I can spend with family and friends, even just conversations on the phone because we always make plans considering the best circumstances, however; we cannot also predict what is to come in life.
Photos/Rickeysha Burt.
Rickeysha Burt (Keysha) is an undergraduate student majoring in psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. She anticipates graduating in Spring 2021. In 2015 she moved to Las Vegas from Bakersfield, California; she has also lived in Los Angeles and Sacramento. Her favorite thing to do is anything that involves time spent with family. She cherishes the tight knit bond with her large family more than anything else in this world.
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