A Sign of COVID Times
By Krystle Connor
Picture it... March 17, 2020, better known as St. Patrick’s Day. Like most people around this time, I questioned exactly what Coronavirus, aka COVID-19, even was. Is this like Bird Flu? Or H1N1? If it is, what is all the fuss about Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson contracting it in Australia? But I kept my questions to myself, and happily obliged to take two weeks off work. Slinging cocktails downtown for minimum wage was hardly helping fill the void in my artistic heart. Plus, a must needed, MANDATED timeout from all things? What a blessing! For me, this was something I could never do. I moved back home to Vegas in 2017 from living in New York City for over five years pursuing my passion in the film industry. This took a serious toll on my mental health, and I returned home feeling depressed. Luckily, I was able to get a position doing one of the plethora of jobs I’m good at, which was bartending. Hoping being home with family and friends would be enough to pull me out of my funk, by nearly the end of 2019 I realized I was in the same rut, just with different scenery. I felt stuck and like I had absolutely nothing to look forward to in life. Oh, how dramatic it all seems now. So, when the country decided to quarantine for “2 weeks,” this felt like an opportunity to at least catch up on some sleep and Netflix.
In the beginning it was easy. The fear being instilled about the virus made staying in the house almost effortless. Binge watching television, drinking alcohol at any hour, learning all the TikTok dances, and baking all the bread. It was as if the world was giving us permission to stay in our pajamas all day and order every meal on Postmates. But what started out as a recoup of life, slowly turned into a complete ball of confusion, misinformation, disinformation, and politics. Did I mention that I live with my parents? Who are retired? And have absolutely nowhere in the world to be? Well, add that to the mix. My dad was in recovery after the removal of a grapefruit-sized, benign tumor from his brain in the summer prior. So, he still needed physical therapy, as well as a lot of daily caregiving from my mom and I. And I have to say, I’ve worked many jobs, but caregiving is truly the work of angels.
In the midst of all of this, I was also dating a man I had met in the fall. While I would like to say that the time I spent with him was a refreshing and revitalizing break from my homelife, unfortunately it only added to the mountain of stress and anxiety that was already present. We spent an obscene amount of time arguing and misunderstanding one another. Until, for me, it was no longer sustainable, and I had to end it. So, we can add a breakup to the pot as well! As much as I tried to keep my emotions in check, this broke me. I thought I had met my husband, or at least my long-term partner in this life. The person who I could look to for support and who I could support in return. My teammate who would encourage us both to get through this together. This, sadly, was not the case. And we all know what comes with a typical breakup...overeating, oversleeping, overdrinking, and overthinking. Normally, I would convince myself to take a long and lavish trip somewhere and get out of my head. Focus on something that helps you forget your heartbreak. But in a pandemic my choices were obviously limited. So, I began to walk. Just walk. Once a day, around the neighborhood. Take the time to put some music on my headphones, and just walk. This activity gave me the opportunity to breathe fresh air and get some much needed exercise and Vitamin D. Since my brain was able to lift some of that fog away, I could now clearly see that I was struggling in a way that was unmanageable and that I needed real help. I spoke to my doctor over the web and told her how I was feeling. At first she didn’t really believe that I had any kind of issue other than a little sadness, which was normal for us all during this time. So, after I stood up for myself and demanded I be seen by a mental health professional to assess my issues, I finally had my first therapy session. It was amazing! I had no idea that opening up a complete stranger would be so easy. But I think the pandemic had us all stepping outside of ourselves to see what we were really capable of.
We saw each other once a week. She helped me break down my sleeping habits, drinking habits, and my emotional turmoil from the breakup. She gave me actual supportive tools to help with my anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed, like boundaries most importantly, which helped immensely with the “Living with the Parents” situation as well. She encouraged me to continue journaling and to meditate, since I have a hard time shutting my brain off. I’m honestly beyond grateful to her for being a light while I was traveling through the darkness of this pandemic, and my own mind. She taught me the meaning of the word grace and showed me how to give it to myself. The comfort and guidance I was given was a big part of what convinced me to change the trajectory of my life.
At the beginning of 2020, I was sure that all I needed to succeed in the entertainment industry was a balls-to-the-wall approach to what I had been doing for the past 15 years. Update your pictures, update your website, and get back to acting class. I even drove from Vegas to LA every week for two months just to go to my two-hour auditioning class, thinking that would be the thing that would put me ahead of the curve. But when COVID hit, all the motivation that I had had in me since even before graduating high school until then had washed away. I no longer cared about being famous or my face being on a 50’ tall billboard, lighting up Times Square or Sunset Boulevard. Don’t get me wrong, that would still be awesome one day, but no longer a personal goal for me in my life. The truth is 2020 and the pandemic were gifts. It gave me a chance to really sit with myself and really decide what I wanted and how I was going to get it. All the things that seemed so daunting and scary now don’t appear as anything more than another hurdle in the obstacle course of life, just another mountain to climb that I know will be worth it. This realization helped me to figure out my next career venture—journalism, specifically broadcast journalism with a focus on news production and investigative journalism. I went back to school, and I am loving it! I don’t know if I would have had the courage to change my career aspirations had it not been for the pandemic.
Again, I have to say, I’m grateful. This has been one of the most difficult times of my life, and I know I’m not alone in this. The possibility of falling even deeper into a mindset that was sick, unnerving, and lacking any kind of compassion for myself could have easily taken place, especially if I never decided to reach out for help. Moving forward I know now that I am much more capable of making all the dreams I have for myself come true. There’s nothing stopping me, except me. I will never be an obstacle to my own success ever again.
Photograph courtesy of Krystle Connor/Kristen Krehbiel.
Krystle Connor was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada. An original East sider, after graduating from Las Vegas High School, she moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in entertainment. She attended the prestigious American Academy of Dramatic Arts where she studied many facets of the business including: Contemporary Dance, Musical Theater, Comedy Improv and Film Production. Soon after completing her studies she was fortunate to have the opportunity to make her way into film. Co-starring in several projects, Sunday School Musical, Death Racers, and The Terminators, as well as national commercials, dance roles and short films, she was later offered a position with Disney Cruiseline and sailed the eastern and western Caribbean as a character performer.
After arriving back on dry land, Krystle completed her license in Esthetics, and then decided to take her talents to the Big Apple! There she continued in the business as a model and stage performer before taking on her new role as Producer of the web-series Harlem Knights. After 5 years in New York City, it was time to come back to where it all began in fabulous Las Vegas. Since returning home Krystle and a childhood friend co-founded the podcast Lifestyles of Love, streaming everywhere.
Currently, Krystle is back in school completing her degree in Broadcast Journalism with the hope of going into News Production and Investigative Journalism, while continuing to write and produce film and television projects.
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