A New Beginning and a New Perspective
By Sara Garey-Sage
Almost exactly a week before the March COVID-19 stay at home order, I decided to continue my studies at the University of Nevada, Reno, and begin a PhD in the Department of History. I was finishing up my M.A. thesis and in the midst of writing and researching, the last thing I wanted to do was search for a job. When the world seemingly shut down overnight, the relief I had felt when I committed to the program grew tenfold. In the midst of so many unknowns, at least I knew what I would be doing for the next several years. Plus, I was excited to take the next step into academia.
I didn’t view starting the PhD as a beginning—instead, I saw it as a continuation. I already knew how to navigate campus, was familiar with my department, and planned to continue my research on colonial America. Plus, with little difference in my day to day since March, spring blended into summer and summer was blending into fall. Yet, when late August arrived and I logged in to Zoom for my first class, I was surprised by how new it all felt. There were the new modalities of learning, the challenges of working remotely, and the novel experience of wearing exclusively leisure wear—something everyone working and learning from home has faced. But I also realized that my mentality as a student had changed. As a PhD student, the stakes felt a bit higher—this was a bigger undertaking than my M.A. had been and not something one did “just because” or as a fun, but productive break from an office job.
I also missed that sense of a new beginning that the start of each school year offers. Normally, the lead up to fall semester entails a lot of anticipation—I have to make sure I have my parking pass in order, verify when and where each of my classes will be meeting, order books, etc.—but it also offers immense potential for new experiences. Even with all the “new” that 2020 offered, I missed the energy that comes with that anticipation and excitement. Sitting at my desk for work, classes, and studying was not the same as walking across campus to Lincoln Hall, even as I appreciated being able to sleep-in and constantly refresh my cup of coffee. I was grateful to be able to stay home and prioritize my health and the health of my “bubble,” but still missed the impromptu chats in the Shared History office, bantering with my fellow students before and after seminars, and dropping into office hours when I had a quick question for my professors.
There were many times throughout the past year that I felt stuck—at home, at my desk, at where I was in my personal and professional life. Conversations with friends revealed that we all thought 2020 would be “our year,” a time when we would start putting down roots, advance our careers, move to new places or buy property, and enter into new relationships. Passionate about traveling, I had hoped to visit South America over the summer—a major item on my bucket list. I had big plans for 2020 and I’ll admit, there were times when I felt the loss of this past year deeply. “What will I remember from this past year?” I asked myself, “How do I keep this from being wasted time?” Rationally, I was and am well-aware of how lucky I am to be safely ensconced in my home and how little the pandemic affected me; and yet emotionally, I felt stuck and isolated, unable to make changes that would allow me to establish my adult life.
Sometime in the last few weeks, however, the “Zoom fatigue” evolved into a sense of calm and a new perspective. Just a few days into the New Year and reflecting on the past eight months, I’ve become aware that I experienced many new beginnings even though I rarely left home. Because I wasn’t traveling to new countries this summer, I was able to explore my interest in organic gardening and the local food scene. I had the time to cook more new recipes and like many, try my hand at homemade sourdough bread, a hobby I imagine will continue as long as I have access to flour, water, and salt. I was able to pursue new projects in my work with the Shared History Program and learned many new things through my seminars. My fellow students and I discovered that the Zoom chat function was perfect for chit-chat and jokes during our seminars, allowing us to bond even though we’d never met face to face. I chose to get a dog, something I had thought about for many months but had put off due to the hustle and bustle of pre-COVID life. And finally, in the quiet of day after day at home, I learned what really mattered to me and what had simply been a way to fill the time.
I still have moments where I miss meeting friends last minute at a brewery or going into a store just to browse. And I know in the next few months, I will have days where I’m frustrated, antsy, and feel like I can’t stand one more minute of Zoom. However, I think and hope this newfound sense of acceptance will bolster me through the spring semester. I know I won’t be traveling far, but I am already looking forward to the 2021 growing season. Rather than meeting at a bar or restaurant, I can enjoy to-go cocktails and takeout with friends and learn to embrace the outdoors in all seasons. Plus, all this means I have more time to spend with my new puppy, who, in the few short weeks I’ve had her, has already proven to be a source of joy and a reason to go outside for fresh air. In the past year, I may not have moved to a new city, checked a new continent off my “to visit” list, or found the love of my life, but I still made changes and choices that enhanced my life and connected me to my community. I’m grateful for the perspective shift and the chance to continue finding new opportunities, both small and momentous, as we all establish our new normal. Here’s to 2021 and new beginnings!
Photo/Sara Garey-Sage.
Sara Garey-Sage is a graduate student in the Department of History at the University of Nevada, Reno. Her research focuses on public history, early America, and material culture. She is the co-founder of the Reno Food Project and a graduate assistant with the Shared History Program. Outside of her graduate work, she enjoys cooking, knitting, and travel.
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