One Year - Healing
By Kevin L. Wright
For the majority of my life, I have healed others, but didn’t heal myself. For many years, I would navigate life with repressed emotions thinking this was the burden I had to carry and be okay with it. Many people in my life told me this way of living was not okay, and my hard-headedness didn’t allow me to listen to them. Once COVID-19 affected the entire world, I felt this sudden sense of pause. All of a sudden, things felt as if they were slowing down. And for once, slowing down felt okay. The past year has had me navigate a journey that involved trying new things, loss, reconciliation, and letting go of things that were no longer bringing meaning to my life. For once, I was okay with that.
I started working from home on March 17, 2020. It amazes me how a year has passed, and there is still a lot of uncertainty. As an introvert, I had no opposition to working from home even though I had no idea how long this arrangement was going to last. I saw it as a blessing to be able to continue working full-time from the comfort of my home, but also as a burden because of the circumstances. I learned to cook new recipes, worked out while watching YouTube videos, attended weekly virtual happy hours, and did not have to wear pants! Yet, I was surrounded by so much loss and grief at the same time. The year 2020 resulted with me experiencing the loss of 111 people; 104 people passed away due to COVID-19, while the rest passed away due to other health reasons. For many of those people, we didn’t get to have one last adventure, one last hug, or even one last conversation. Attending virtual funerals quickly became a common practice, and re-learning to accept what I could not control was an uphill battle.
The past year may have not been the most kind to me, let alone most people, and at the same time, there were some joyous moments. This past year gave me an opportunity to reconnect with family, friends, mentors, mentees, former students, fraternity brothers and sisters, and old colleagues. Reminiscing on memories, sharing ridiculous stories with each other, and staying hopeful of the future have been experiences I’ll always cherish. Additionally, the past year has given me the opportunity to make amends with people I thought I would never speak to again. Some tough conversations had to happen in order for me and other people to reconcile the harm and trauma we were holding on to. We all made a strong commitment to invest in each other’s healing, while knowing it was not going to be easy. Luckily enough, I’m proud to say that a few burned bridges are now being rebuilt; this was not an act of pride or ego, but instead an act of love and self-preservation.
Another joyous moment was earning my doctorate. In 2020, I completed my coursework at Concordia University - Portland. Unfortunately, that institution closed down due to financial issues. I became a displaced student, and I had to figure out which institution would be able to honor my credits and accept my research topic. After 60 days of searching, I was able to transfer to Northcentral University and continue working on my research, which focuses on cultivating a culture of philanthropy among alumnx of color who previously attended historically white institutions. I started my doctoral studies in 2017 with a cohort of 13, and resulted with being the only one remaining in 2020. I defended my dissertation on November 24, 2020, at 9 am, and when I was announced as Dr. Wright, I had never felt so much relief in my life. Being a displaced student, working full-time, and teaching part-time, all while navigating multiple pandemics and epidemics in this world is an accomplishment no one can take from me. As a first-gen graduate of color with a terminal degree before the age of 30, I stay rooted in my commitment to continue advocating for those with historically marginalized identities and serve as a voice for the voiceless.
The past year has been a year of struggle, learning, and healing. I struggled with the stability of my mental health, which increased the frequency of how often I utilized counseling services. I had to unlearn toxic behaviors that I was adopting from the wrong people in my life while re-learning healthy behaviors where I could center my needs and reclaim myself. Reclaiming myself involved making strategic and intentional decisions that would contribute to my healing. Healing has now become the main priority as I move forward in life. It is my hope that everyone around me can do what they can to receive the healing they deserve. While the past year was not the best, it should not have the right to define who we are and how we move on from it.
The past year has changed my mindset and has made me more proud of everything I have been able to accomplish in the life I’ve lived so far. I am finally in a place of understanding that the things I do for others are also things I deserve for myself. This is a feeling I seek to never let go of, even when we get through to the end of this pandemic. The healing I have experienced so far has been positively overwhelming, and I’m hopeful to get to a place where I no longer question my ability to heal, and how the healing itself is getting me to a place I need to be holistically. As I navigate through the year 2021, I remain adamant on my commitment to continue healing, and hope others are able to do the same. The feeling of uncertainty is still present, but I am learning to be okay with it, especially in light of current circumstances. I don’t have many expectations for this new year we’re in, but I will do all that I can to make a year that is somewhat enjoyable.
Photo/Kevin L. Wright.
Dr. Kevin L. Wright (he/him/his) currently serves as the inaugural Assistant Director for Student Diversity in the Office of Student Diversity & Social Justice. Kevin is responsible for overseeing departmental initiatives that can create positive institutional and systemic change while centering and empowering those who hold historically marginalized identities. Kevin has previously worked in Residence Life, Student Activities, TRIO Programs, Student Affairs Administration, and Student Leadership and Service Learning. Kevin earned a bachelors in Business Communications with a minor in Sociology from Northern Arizona University, a masters in Student Affairs Administration from Lewis & Clark College, and a doctorate of education in Organizational Leadership from Northcentral University.
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